I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
