brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
