He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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