So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
