dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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