I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
