I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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