Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
