I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
