That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
how drunk are you?
Several
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
