I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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