apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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