obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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