Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
