My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
