but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
