Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
