Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
