That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
