Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
