You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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