I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
