i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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