my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
