You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
