don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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