I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
