You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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