thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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