My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
