i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
