You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
