Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
