i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize