I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
