Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
birth control should be required to get into college
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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