Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize