so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
