dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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