You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
