But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
