So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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