Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
