You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
