she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
