p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
