I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
