I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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