The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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