How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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