There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
