I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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