Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
