what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
