I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
