he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
