Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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