Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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