sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
