last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
