cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
