Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
