i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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