I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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