College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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