Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
