FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
