From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
