Christians are straight up FREAKS
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
