I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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