if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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