Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
