So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
