woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
