it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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