my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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