There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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