she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
