then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
