I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
