OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
