Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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