In the future we'll all be gay
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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