is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
