so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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