i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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