So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
