i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
