I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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