the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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